Thursday, 5 December 2013

Fear!

Last night I had a weird feeling. I was scared for my life. For some time I had been pretty scared of the little sounds and shadows. But last night things turned quite ugly.

I was pretty convinced that I was going to die. Every time a car passed by I thought it was a conspiracy to kill me. Even a little voice, be it of the security guards or anyone passing by appeared to me to be the reason of my death. I was mortally scared. This had happened before but never for such a long period of time.

My session with my therapist has been postponed by more than two weeks now. At some points I don't even want to see a therapist. At some points I do. I wish i could make my mind up without so much of fuss

I am doing good now but scared if these episodes recur or increase what will happen. I have been on Oxcarbazepine 900 mg a day, along with 
Paroxetine 12.5 mg and Clonazepam 0.75 mg. I am more stable, definitely but not really doing well. I am more hypomanic these days. I am really worried if I end up with full blown mania. The fight is on...

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