The fear of being left alone- does not sound a big thing for someone who has lived her whole life on the border of life. Right? Not really! It's not easy being there. No one likes it lonely. Firstly there is a big difference between being alone and lonely. One can be lonely without being alone and again one can be alone and not lonely at all. For the people of the first kind the biggest fear is being left alone.
We try our best to fit in, often too hard. It is difficult being different and not knowing how you are different. All my life I have tried to fit in. All my desperate attempts have usually failed miserably. Over the years I did make some friends but all my life I have been scared of losing them.
Relationships are a bit more complex to comprehend. Often times we have such severe estrangement issues that we cling on to abusive relationships, just out of the fear of being lonely. Personally breakups have always been a nightmare for me. I have always dreaded the relationship pink slip. Most of the times I have spent tears for relationships, which I myself knew very well, had no future. Still I was terrified of being single.
Years down the dating road, I am now happily married to the love of my life, who is an extremely caring and understanding man. But estrangement issues are hard to fight. I still apologize for mistakes that are not mine! I get almost terrified when things go wrong. It is difficult functioning with the crippling fear that he might 'leave' me any moment and I'll be all alone. Estrangement issues are now coupled with extreme dependence issues. I am still to figure out to be more secure.
We try our best to fit in, often too hard. It is difficult being different and not knowing how you are different. All my life I have tried to fit in. All my desperate attempts have usually failed miserably. Over the years I did make some friends but all my life I have been scared of losing them.
Relationships are a bit more complex to comprehend. Often times we have such severe estrangement issues that we cling on to abusive relationships, just out of the fear of being lonely. Personally breakups have always been a nightmare for me. I have always dreaded the relationship pink slip. Most of the times I have spent tears for relationships, which I myself knew very well, had no future. Still I was terrified of being single.
Years down the dating road, I am now happily married to the love of my life, who is an extremely caring and understanding man. But estrangement issues are hard to fight. I still apologize for mistakes that are not mine! I get almost terrified when things go wrong. It is difficult functioning with the crippling fear that he might 'leave' me any moment and I'll be all alone. Estrangement issues are now coupled with extreme dependence issues. I am still to figure out to be more secure.
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